Sunday, April 16, 2006

Return From Deboch And Chaos, Part One

I haven't even returned yet, actually. Our stay has been extended by a day due to a random encounter...well, the details will have to be told later. Here's the short version of a very long weekend:

Day one, sucked, to be blunt. Money problems, debit cards being mysteriously blocked - by whom and why, even the bank doesn't know - the long process of registration and settling into the room...it ws all honestly just too much going on at once, but it still ended well, with parties and meeting new friends...

Day Two was rough at first, with only a few hours of sleep to go on. It improved gradually, and by 4 AM, things started getting interesting. Nick and I met another couple...practically dopplegangers...and we all got along fantastically. While I'm skipping all the juicy details - few of these are even sexual - to keep you on your toes until I have time enough to tell the stories properly, I'll tell you that we never went to bed Friday night.

Or Saturday night.

It's Sunday night, and sleep looks to be several hours away, and even then, only a few hours before the return trip.

I have never been this exhausted...or this content...damn, who knew that a four day vacation could end with every major part of my life changing. And all of it is - I think - for the better.

I wish I had the time now to explain all of this...this euphoria...if only words could capture this...Damnit why aren't I able to explain???

I'll ponder and process this on the trip and report back. Keep in touch, this tale is one you don't want to miss...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

And As The Bonzai Tree Dies, So Does The Blog...

Damn Bonzai tree, I water it once a month, I take it outside all the time - ok, so maybe it's only been outside twice... - and it STILL gives up on me.....grr.

Howdy folks, long time no see! Between the overtime at work, the three trips coming up, and the tornados that demolished my county...well...I haven't had much time to write...Never fear, Parce and I have made a pact to pick up regular blogging in May or June, depending on moving schedules...Cause Parce is moving to a house guys, but I'll let her tell all the good news she's got, cause I've got plenty of my own:

So yeah, last Friday Sumner county got chewed up and spit out by a Tornado half a mile wide, with winds over 200 miles per hour. Friday night I had the privilage of driving - in hella traffic - to Hendersonville for various errands, and then returned on Saturday - in more hella traffic - to pick up the Artist from his mothers house where he was staying after being arrested for diving on a suspended liscense...I suppose if he'd known it was suspended - from not paying 40$ in court costs like...two years ago - he wouldn't have been driving. Fortunately, the ordeal is more of a nuisence than anything else. On our return trip Saturday, we surveyed some of the worst damage. Not to rubberneck, mind you, but because a good friend of ours had been MIA since the tornado, and her house was in its path. Fortunately Mr Tornado missed her house, and she is fine. I'm still waiting to hear from another friend.

The St Pattys drama has subsided entirely, in favor of new drama, which I like to call "Survive April". In two days, I leave for Frolicon - more on this in a bit - and I've barely got anything done. Packing???? Whats that??? We return Sunday night, and after another full week of work, I'm off to Chattanooga for the weekend to visit friends. I'm off work the week after, but will be out of town for most of the week because - YAY! - it is once again, that time of year: PUF. Finally, after working another week, Radiant Star will host Beltaine on Saturday, and then my life returns to something that resembles normality....

First, on this list, though, is Frolicon.

Frolicon is two days away. I. Am. So. Screwed. (Pun intended.) So I finally had to explain to my husband last night that - regardless of what he does - I ALWAYS get incredably stressed right before a trip - not that the twelve hour shifts help. I discovered some time ago that yes, it IS indeed possible to go on a vacation with out having a disasterous time...all it takes is a little planning and work before you go. Now, if I had brains enough not to put off all the work until the weekend before we leave, I suppose I'd be flipping less. In any case, my fingers are crossed that we'll have everything done with out losing too much sleep.

I'm giddy and nervous as hell about this trip, guys. For the most part, my "WAAAAAAA No One Will Like Me!!!!" fears have subsided. It was hard to overcome at first, but then I got caught up in all the OTHER things to look forward to, which I will now list, because it makes me feel better... 1: Three Words: Four. Star. Hotel. 2: The Parties man...oh hell yes the parties. Massive parties every night in the convention center, plus two hotel floors of room parties. 3: It's a road trip, and we all know how I need my regular doses, or I get all crazy. 4: The "Frolicon Spa" open all day Friday and Saturday for free. I actually voluntered to play receptionist for three hours. Dressing up and playing the typical secretary for a few hours sounds fun, even if I'll be doing basically the same stuff I do at work. 5: Ok, so last Sunday I wasted five hours of precious prep time to collect, organize, categorize, and divide into proper lengts for burning over 25 hours of my favorite music. Now I just have to burn the CDs.....


It's now six hours later and I feel like total crap. I'm going home now....damn allergies/cold/flu/whatthefuckever

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

NO NO DRAMA...NO NO NO NO DRAMA!

Ok, folks...listen closely now:

DO NOT BRING A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD (AND A BAG OF COCAINE!) TO MY GODDAMNED PARTY!!!!!!!!!

Apparently this was not an assumed rule as I'd thought, so let me elaborate. If you're under 18, don't show up, and if you want cocaine don't bother coming either.
Oh Jesus Christ...where do I start???


So we had a ST Pattys Day party last friday, right? Well, I invited an accquaintance who had come over once before and had been fun to hang out with. I told said accquaintance he could bring friends. So the party gets started and some people show up, and then some more people show up, and then dude - we'll call him Bob - so Bob shows up, and he's brought his girl friend and her friend to the party. The girls both seem rude, but whatever.....15 minutes later, a girl that hubbie works with approached me and said that she thought the two girls might be doing cocaine in the bathroom. The Artist and myself pulled Bob aside and asked him. He told us no, no one in their group was doing cocaine at all, so we let it go and agreed to just keep our eyes open for anything odd.
......
Maybe these kids thought we were naive about cocaine, or maybe they thought we were users as well, I dunno...But neither is true. There were actually several FORMER users at the party, and while the hubs and myself have never touched the stuff, we've been around it more than enough. Anyway, time passed, and The Artist, myself, and Parce, - she had been told to keep her eyes open - all saw the tale-tale signs of cocaine: sniffles, red noses, crazy eyes, frequent trips to the bathroom together.....We were nearly sure that something was up, so I gathered up all the valuables I could find, hid them in the bedroom, and called a house confrence. It was about this time that I learned the friend of Bobs girlfriend, was 16...SIXTEEN AND SNORTING COKE IN MY BATHROOM...nuff said,,,Nick and The Artist came into the bedroom, but after about....2 seconds it was obvious that Nick was way too plastered to deal with the situation, so Shifty was called in his place. We hadn't really talked about Bob and his friends since they arrived, and I asked the other two what their thoughts were...Shifty spoke up and said that he was positive they were using, and that sealed it. We waited for the folks who were leaving to say goodbye, informed the rest of our close friends of the situation, and then.......then something magical happened.......

A close friend of the hubs and I distracted Nick and took him outside to talk about "something important", because my husband was really just way too fucked up to deal and would've punched somebody before the dialogue even began. We sat in the living room for a few minutes, the three perpetrators sitting on the couch. The Artist handed Parce a note explaining that usage had been confirmed. In response, she said aloud the eulogy of all those in our group who are former users and now won't touch the stuff. She said the short eulogy, and those of us who "grokked" in her language...we replied, because we knew the correct response. Then, we stood and went to the kitchen, and Shifty motioned for "Bob" to follow us. We told him nicely that we weren't dumb because there were many former users there, and we liked him and all, but NO SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SNORTING COKE IN MY BATHROOM, and sorry, but you'll have to go, we'll hand out some other time. Bob apoligized, recanting his earlier statment about the lack of cocaine, and agreed to leave.

We aren't dumb, though, and we knew that sometimes people on coke do crazy things, so we went into "maneuvers". With anywhere from three to five people at all times, we subtly surrounded the girls while they gathered their things and poured a last drink before the road. It was beautiful...a masterpiece. Parce and my friend Carol acted totally oblivious and chatted while Parce kept an eye on the kitchen. Shifty moved to the "drink" room and pretended he needed another drink. It was beautiful, I tell you, and I can't describe the half of it, but they left without incident, and we all congratulated ourselves on a job well done.

Ironically, this bit of drama is tied in to another bigger bit of drama in the strangest way, but more on that later.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Being Single - Someone Tell Me How To Do It!

In exactly four weeks, I will be single.

Ok, so I'll only be single for a weekend, and I'll only be sort of single, but still...I'll be single.

So I told you folks about frolicon and that the now Sane Hubbie, The Artist, and myself are going. Well, after some discussion, the hubbie and I have agreed that we're comfortable enough in the marriage to open it for the con, and hook up with other folks. Which, we are...I mean...our idea of going out for fun in a bar is comparing who we think is hot - and we have TOTALLY different tastes....Last weekend at a cafe, there was this one HOT girl that kept eyeing me and Nick tried to convince me to get her number!!!! I couldn't though, I'm way too shy, and THAT'S why I'm writing.

I have NEVER hit on a stranger before. EVER. All my past relationships came from friendships, which isn't going to be the case at frolicon, considering I'm not exactly looking for something "meaningful", wink-wink-nudge-nudge.....so This whole Convention has got me tangled in knots. Not that I don't want to go. We're going, period. And all of us are incredably psyched about it, but the one thing I'm afraid of is going and being a wall flower all weekend because I can't get the nerve to talk to somebody. IT doesn't help much that this is my first con and we're both kinda sorta new to the BDSM lifestlye. Nick, on the other hand, is concerned that I'll flip if I see him with another girl - which I won't if he follows the rules that I'll explain in a minute - or that some asshole will try to fuck with me. Well, problem two is solved easily enough since most or all activity will take place around other people, and most folks into this stuff are RIGID about boundries and what happens to men OR women that go to far, so if anyone DOES try anything, I get to see them beaten to a bloody pulp. Heehee.

Anyway, Nicks first concern shouldn't be an issue, based on what we've agreed on. Tell me if you guys think I'm being unreasonable:

~ The first day, Thursday, we're going to stick together so we can get to know our surroundings and get a feel for the con before splitting up.
~On Friday and Saturday night there will be MASSIVE parties, as I'm sure you can imagine. We've both agreed that anything goes during these times.
~For the rest of the time, we're going to at least keep in touch and meet up for meals. There are lots of classes and discussion groups during the day, and we're going to try to go to some of them together.
~The only thing I could see going wrong, is if Nick hooked up with some other girl when we arrived and spent all of his time with her, avoiding spending any time with me in the process, or some other such rediculous situation where he clearly blows me off.

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so, and Nick totally agrees with it as well, but I thought I'd get another opinion cause the thought of being that obsessively protective and jealous wife? Is Scary.

IN any case, that is so not why I'm writing this post. I need help, guys. I'd LIKE to show up and be all relaxed and flirtatous but......how do you flirt??????? And I've got NO clue how to flirt with a girl!!!!! Help! The closest I can come to a good come-on is getting a drop of liquid on their sleeve and mine and saying "Wow! Sorry! Say, why don't we go back to my place an get out of these wet clothes?" Oh JESUS I am so doomed. AND, even if someone ELSE takes initiative, I FREEZE when hit upon!!! Like...what's a good way to let them know I'm interested? What if I'm NOT interested!?!?!

GAAAH!!!!!! On top of THAT monstrous delima(sp?????) I've put myself on a thirty day super-diet. Low calorie, healthy meals, small, healthy snacks, 1 SODA A DAY......I'M EVEN EATING BREAKFAST!!!! Oh, and then there's the Tae-Bo Billy Blane ADVANCED 2 workout I'm doing 4 times a week....It's working, I've lost one whole pound! But...but....I WANT JUNK FOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I feel better now. I'm incredably excited about the trip, but all this other stuff is making me a nervous wreck!

Oh Yeah..... HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Damn Updates...

OK LadyA, OK!!! ;oP

Some of you have heard the runors. Some of you haven't because you live far away and only read my blog, which is cool, but in any case, Yes, The Hubbie lost his marbles.

Don't worry, it was only a teporary loss. The Artist and I managed to find most of them and cram them back in that thick skull of his. Temporarily, however, I was married to a lunatic. The award for making Mr CoolCalmAndCollected go coo-coo goes to Starbucks. Fuck Starbucks. Fuck a whole bunch of Starbucks up the ass. Err....ok, composure regained. The hubbie actually believed Starbucks for six years of "You're perfect! We love you! Now, if you'll just do this one last thing we'll give you that promotion we've promised you godonlyknows how many times!" AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! And for the record, I've been telling him to ditch that poor excuse for a coorporation for two years, but he loves - make that loved - his job. He loves coffee, he loves his customers, he likes most of his co-workers, but he's finally fed up. Yay! for the hubbie making double income at half the stress!

So that's where I've been lately. Of course not having time at work to write blogs also seriously cuts back on posting.
Saint Pattys day is quickly approaching. We're having a party thingy...well, it's a little less organized than that. I haven't had time to organize big time. I know there are people coming to my house to get drunk and be Irish. I have already removed myself from the responsibility of anything that might happen, because after our last "party" it occured to me that something crazy WILL happen, simply because I'm hosting the party...we shall see...

Ahh, work calls my name again. I'll never get to write a decent post at this rate....

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Jesus, what a great day. I woke up to a house full of snoring boys - left over from our DnD session last night - got ready for work, went outside to a beautiful, sunny morning, and came to work to find my to do list was depleted. Damn, this day is going good.

I mentioned before that I've got a self-esteem/feminism rant brewing, and I have, but it doesn't seem to keen on making itself clear. See, it all started when I found this blog a few weeks ago. This guy, Richard, believes that women - feminism, more specifically - is the basic root of all evils, and that most women are selfish, greedy, coniving folk who put full force into destroying men. Now, I tried for some time to understand his point of view, and finally, I've just given up. Part of me wants to back-hand the dude for being such a dumbass, and part of me wonders if he doesn't have a nugget or two of truth in his writings, and I'm just too prideful to see it. I had hoped to formulate some grand post with my thoughts but...well, they aren't coming...so, in desperation, I ask my fellow blogger folk to visit his site and report back with your own ideas. (I wouldn't bother leaving a mean comment. He's a bit childish about allowing comments that aren't phrased very nicely.) While you're there, check out my comments and let me know if I'm crazy. This, my dear friends, is your homework.

In other news, bunnies are good, hubbie is good, The Artist is good, the house and attached bills are good, and life in general has calmed a great deal. Of course, the coming of spring certainly didn't hurt. Spiritually, I'm lacking a bit....rather, I'm not lacking, just on the slow end of things...and it will all be picking up soon. (BTW, I need someone who can translate AmE into Latin. It's not a lot, and shouldn't be too complicated, but I have to do it before Saturday...Help!) I also wrote Brent Spiner (Data) a letter. It went something along the lines of "I hate trekkies and fan mail, but I did want to say you're one hell of a good actor" type thing. I actually wrote it becaue I was bored and I happened to find his fanmail address online, and because I've always wanted to write a cynical piece of fan mail, just to see the actors reaction - if there is one. I told him not to bother writing back unless he ACTUALLY wanted to, or if he wanted to send me his autograph so I could make all my friends jealous. Jesus, I have no life.

But that's about to change. RS is stepping it up a few noches this week. We've got meeting tonight, and then an all day thing on Saturday to prepare for Beltaine and such. We're starting to look for more members, too. Though, honestly, I'm just amazed we lasted this long without any problems. Hell...maybe this group will turn into something after all. Of course there's also PUF coming up, and my blogs 1 year anniversary, and frolicon as well. So basically, March is for preparation, April is for doing. So, now that my formerly-nice-but-suddenly-evil-boss is here, I have to go.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Boring Update, This Is

Sorry I haven't written much, guys. My boss is a BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPING BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPIDY BLEEEEEEEPEEEERRRRR BLEEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEPING, BLEEP. So, I have less online time, now. I've got the workings of a major vent on self esteem, but I haven't quite formulated it yet. Also, another post on the World of O is coming, and in the meantime, pray for Parce, who's in court...right now, actually. I'll Be Back......

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

So Vanilla, Life Is

Well, shit. As I was starting to type, yet another wreck occured right in front of my job....lemme get focused again. (These fender benders happen every few months.)

So, this post is rather Vanilla compared to other recent discussions but I've been hesitant to discuss this online for fear of sounding incredably shallow and stupid. To avoid this stereotype, I am very stupid sometimes, but I'm only shallow for special occasions...like this one.

Coming to Atlanta in April is a convention that myself, the H, and The Artist will be attending. It's called Frolicon. The convention is of a pagan variety, though that's hardly the focus of it. Frolicon is actually a...errm...."Kink" convention. However, if I were on a vow of complete chastity, I'd still go for the parties. This event sounds like a blast. They've got entire floors reserved for all-night extravaganzas, and a ton of incredably cool events planned, like our own local KWP performing a staged sword fight. (H, Artist, and I know lots of people in the KWP, which is a sword fighting troup.) From said friends, we have insider confirmations that there are lots of people going and that the event will be awesome! Fortunately, we've had some financial luck as of late, and can afford to go. Yay!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Roadtripitis Must be A Virus That Can't Be Cured

I've been bitten by the Bug again. The weather was gorgeous outside yesterday and it reminded me of the perfect weather El Shiftador and I had when visiting Ocean City MD last fall. This, of course, led my brain to think "Beeeaaaach" and hence forth I was a zombie for salt water. I'll be driving to Pensacola tonight for a day at the beach.

Hubs and myself have let the D/s shit slide in view of the fact that we're both working just too many damn hours to think straight when we get home. We'll be doing Valentines on Monday, since we saw eachother for the whole "Aww, you brought flowers! K, honey, got to go to work." time period last Tuesday. (That was the H speaking, btw. He gets spoiled on Valentines.) As for that crazy creepy stalker dude, he has disappeared, whether this was due to lack of interest or the guns now strewn about our house I don't know.

Life, in fact, has nearly returned to "normal", or what I remember thinking was normal 6 months ago before things went topsy turvy on me. Of course we do have a third person in the house. The Artist moved in last month, sort of ish...(did I tell you this already?) and is working on getting a kickass PR job and an apartment, so send him your happy vibes. He's been a decent housemate. I can't say I won't rejoice in reclaiming my couch, but I'm sure I'll miss my Bro once he's gone. The Parce is ever busy with her new job and her tutoring. I haven't even hung out with her in weeks, but such is life.

Now I'm going to look for something more interesting to blog about....

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

O, Kink, and Other Complications of Marriage, Part 2

*Disclaimer*
If your under 18: Go Away.
If kinks aren't your thang: Go Away.
If You're going to read this anyway, be warned. This post has content that pertains to sexual fetish's, though the actual debate is not related directly to that topic.


So, last week I spent my evenings dutifully taking care of various assigned tasks ranging from washing clothes to Things Not Worth Mentioning, and my days - when work was slow - researching various BDSM related blogs for some of the answers I wanted. Mainly, I wanted to know why the hell Hubbie and myself were so completely ok with this massive - if temporary - shift in our relationship. What was really going on here that turning my freedom over to another would appeal so much? It was honestly disturbing to some degree to relish in the thought of putting my collar on after work. These dynamic reactions were unexpected, to say the least. Though in retrospect, my research just drove me further into the conundrum before I finally started understanding.

At first my online search was futile. I, of course, was bombarded with pornographic sites from here to Mars. Then I learned to beat the system by using words that would not normally pull up pornography such as "D/s" which means "Dom/sub" and is capitalized very precisely. THIS resulted in a few gems - weblogs devoted solely to discussion of life as either a Dom or sub. (I also discovered a new term for sex called "tinysex" which makes absolutely no sense to me. It's cybersex. Except they call it tinysex like it's a new trend...but it's cybersex...whatever.) Eventually, I found a group of blogs that seemed most helpful. (I hope they don't get mad at me for linking them...) The first blog worth reading that I found was Am's. Read for yourself if you're interested. She seems quite sane and intelligent and a fun person to hang out with, except that that's creepy cause I don't know her and this is the internet, etc etc etc...
From Am's blog, I found several other useful blogs as well, including one particular blog that is just plain absofuckinlutely hilarious. I'm talkin' rotflmaosmp and then you die because you can't stop laughing. This woman needs an award. Unfortunately I've lost the damn link and will have to post it later.

Ultimately, my search produced simple results: Most D/s are quite happy in that lifestyle. Many relationships described using their daily game to help eachother achieve their own goals and improve themselves. 99.999% of the D/s relationships I found had every appearance - this IS the internet - of being healthy, mutual, nurturing relationships where both parties wanted the best for eachother. I did not find ANY blogs where the D/s relationship described seemed at all unhealthy. Granted, in my research, the blogs I studied were made almost entirely of m/f relationships. I can't speak for anything else here, but I've no reason to believe it's diffrent in any other type of relationship.

I thought about this stuff for a bit, and then I took the debate to my friend, via IM. Carol - whom I have mentioned before as being totally AWESOME - is good at this stuff, and once again she blew my mind with her theories. I've edited this only to change names and remove the parts where we strayed from topic - like spicy soup - and I fixed some of my spelling errors because they are embarressing. Other than that, here's the convo, with another piece of my mind after...

ME: I have NEVER been a top in bed - I suck at it
ME: bad bad bad pun
Carol: really?
ME: yup
Carol: I can be a very skillful top
ME: I meant to say a GOOD top
ME: I've done it before, but I was only decent at my best
Carol: again, I find that hard to believe
ME: p'raps so, but it's true
Carol: wow
ME: I've tried my damndest to break whatever barrier I've got, but to no avail
Carol: seems like a slight imbalance to me.
Me: why?
Carol: ok, the imbalance I see is that you are very action oriented in your non-sexual life
ME: generally
Carol: if something is not going your way, you change it. Sometimes forcefully
ME: is that a bad thing?
Carol: no
ME: oh, k
Carol: however, what you're describing to me says that you are just the opposite in bed
Carol: you bend yourself instead of your partner
ME: mmmhhhmmm
ME: not particularly just in bed though
Carol: right
ME: or else 24/7 play wouldn't be as interesting
Carol: but the bed is a microcosm of the dynamic of the relationship
ME: valid point
Carol: things that are tiny in most other areas sometimes get blown way up in bed
Carol: and sometimes things that are uncomfortable in bed get blown way up in other areas of life
Carol: like people who often feel pressured to always be in control tend to crave being submissive in bed
Carol: likewise, people who feel like they have no control over their circumstances find release in being doms in bed
ME: interesting
ME: but is that unhealthy?
Carol: under controlled and mutually acceptable conditions, there's nothing wrong with seeking release on either side.
ME: or is it a good place to learn new ways of dealing with people
Carol: it's when it's allowed to take the place of understanding your feelings that it becomes unhealthy
ME: true
Carol: it's an excellent place to explore and learn.
ME: and develop trust
ME: (or destroy it...)
Carol: it sounds to me like you and Hubbie are on a good path. Just keep in mind that you have to be honest about saying stop
ME: right
ME: we already went through a detailed list of what isn't acceptable
ME: and the safeword of course
Carol: and don't fool yourself into thinking that you aren't bottoming from the top just because you're cooperating.
ME: huh?
Carol: the sub has the power of the safeword.
ME: ahh
Carol: you decide just how far he is allowed to go
Carol: anyway, so you are in control because it's all about you
Carol: what you are and are not willing to do
ME: Hubbie told me that one of the things he likes about D/s is that it can be used to aid the sub in improving their self esteem and achieving their goals
Carol: What makes a good dom is the ability to focus completely on the sub
Carol: he's right about that
ME: which, after some discussion, is very true
ME: And, while he will push my limits at times - which I don't mind - he's never crossed the line into no-no land
Carol: and see, even in that statement, you demonstrate that you are truly the one in control
Carol: "which I don't mind" suggests that you would stop him if you did mind
ME: exactly
ME: and he expects me to do so if he ever crosses the line with out realizing it
Carol: and that expectation relinquishes control to you
ME: so - technically I'm not changing roles from my usual life as much as we'd thought
Carol: yes and no. No you aren't changing the roles that much, but you are changing the outward manifestation
ME: right
Carol: the question is why do you want to appear to be controlled instead of controlling
ME: I find it enjoyable, and it relieves stress
ME: it's also - on a darker level - how I learned what sex was
ME: and to a degree what relationships were
Carol: so you're acting out a childhood memory, recreating it in a way that is not dangerous or frightening to you.
ME: perhaps my history of rape affects this - but in a positive way
Carol: In other words, your declawing your inner monsters
ME: exactly - I reenact something that was frightening, but do so in a way where I have total control
ME: damn
Carol: there you have it. Nothing unhealthy in that
ME: we should open a counseling center together
Carol: heehee
Carol: and just think, that realization might have taken years and cost you a fortune in therapy
ME: heehee

There you have it: the genius of Carol. In editing this conversation, it occured to me that p'raps Hubbie also enjoys the game because in the same sense, he GIVES UP control. Since he is often in charge because of his job and the fact he is the leader of his family and friends. I'll discuss this with him tonight and get back to you...

And one last thing, folks. Say a prayer for a co-worker of the hubbie. (We'll call him CW, for co-worker) CW had to rush his wife to the hospital Saturday night. She was 6 months pregnant and went into labor. Their child didn't make it. These are two really nice people and I am so heart broken that this has happened to them. Right now CW is on emergancy leave to be with his wife who is still ill. Hubbie has voluntarily taken CW's hours and is working 60 hours this week to make up for the absence. Please keep them all in your thoughts.